


Our Present: Bright and Promising

by billspilledquill



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Gen, Human Disaster Alexander Hamilton, Texting, This is the device of all my fics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 14:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11404554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billspilledquill/pseuds/billspilledquill
Summary: Hamilton's phone should not be trusted, just as the man himself.





	Our Present: Bright and Promising

**Author's Note:**

> In case you are wondering, all of this doesn't make any sense.

**J(g)A(y)CK**

Alexander.

**A.HAM**

Uh?

**J(g)A(y)CK**

Ale x.

**A.HAM**

Yes??

**J(g)A(y)CK**

WHY THE FUCK OUR ROOM HAS AN UGLY LOOKING CRAVED HORSE ON THE WALL ? ? ¿¿¿¿

**A.HAM**

It’s an unicorn, John. Beside, it's not ugly.

**J(g)A(y)CK**

what

**A.HAM**

uni·corn\ˈyü-nə-ˌkȯrn\ noun

a mythical animal generally depicted with the body and head of a horse, the hind legs of a stag, the tail of a lion, and a single horn in the middle of the forehead

**J(g)A(y)CK**

Ok

But why

**A.HAM**

I like them

**J(g)A(y)CK**

Ok

Alexander, hammie, sweetheart, jellybean, ham with mayonnaise and mustard

Listen

YOU ARE NOT FUCKING DOING SOMETHING AS STUPID AS CARVING AN UNICORN (THAT LOOKS LIKE A HORSE BEING RIDE BY DONALD TRUMP AND ABOUT TO THROW UP ) IN O U R RENTED HOUSE DO YOU UNDERSTAND I CAN PERMIT YOU TO STEAL JEFFERSON’S UNDERWEAR AND BURN THEM AND GIVE BURR WITH YOUR DRINK WITH MIXTURE OF DENTIFRICE AND ANTISEPTIC MOUTHWASH BECAUSE YOU WANT TO CLEAN HIS MOUTH UNTIL HE DRINKS IT AND HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND YOU CAN SAY SAMUEL SEABURY IS A USELESS CONDOM WITH A MORE USELESS DICK BUT DONT CARVE UNICORNS ON WALL BECAUSE I CANT SLEEP WITH CREATURES THAT LOOK LIKE HALF SMUDGED BAGELS

PLEASE

**A.HAM**

I do what I want.

**J(g)A(y)CK**

I will call Angelica.

**A.HAM**

Yes sir, I will clean them sir.

**J(g)A(y)CK**

Thank you.

 

 

 

 

  
**SECRETARY OF DISAPPOINTMENT**

Hamilton, I never thought I have to say this but.

We need to talk.

**A.HAM**

You have said more than enough by now, Jefferson.

Your molecules and transpiration are costing at least 1776% more assholeness in this world. I suggest stop breathing until you can't smell yourself anymore. It purifies the Earth.

**SECRETARY OF DISAPPOINTMENT**

Hamilton.

Seriously, we need to talk.

**A.HAM**

What?

**SECRETARY OF DISAPPOINTMENT**

Where are my underwear?

**A.HAM**

See in your pans.

**SECRETARY OF DISAPPOINTMENT**

Pants?

**A.HAM**

Pans.

**SECRETARY OF DISAPPOINTMENT**

Oh my god.

OH MY GOD.

YOU CAME IN MY HOUSE A N D 

**A.HAM**

Well, in the God we trust.

I never said trust me when we worked on that bill in your house.

**SECRETARY OF DISAPPOINTMENT**

YOU BURNT MY UNDERWEAR AND SPRINKLE THEM ON MY FUCKING CLEAN PANS.

**A.HAM**

In my defense, they are all made of tissues.

**SECRETARY OF DISAPPOINTMENT**

I USED THEM AFTER YOU WERE GONE.

HAMILTON

I ATE MY OWN UNDERWEAR WITH BACONS.

**A.HAM**

oh

Oh.

OHHH

Well I'm not sorry.

You can always choose to stop breathing in case you don't feel good.

**SECRETARY OF DISAPPOINTMENT**

Fuck you, Hamilton.

**A.HAM**

I would do it if I can thanks

 

 

 

 

 

  
**A.HAM**

Sir, I would like to report verbal abuse from a coworker.

**GEORGE WASH (AWAY) (MACHINE)**

What did you do again to Jefferson, son?

**A.HAM**

Your Secretary of State has personally attack me on numerous occasions on debates as well as in private sir.

And with all due respect, I am not your son.

**GEORGE WASH (AWAY) (MACHINE)**

What did you say again, Alexander?

Also, please don't text me through my personal phone during work time. 

**A.HAM**

Well, I couldn't if I tried. Jefferson had started the whole affair. I would blame him for taking your personal time, sir.

**GEORGE WASH (AWAY) (MACHINE)**

Did you tweet at the situation and shamed him?

**A.HAM**

Yes sir.

**GEORGE WASH (AWAY) (MACHINE)**

Did you lash back the words that he initially ‘started’?

**A.HAM**

Yes, but it was all purely self-defense, sir.

**GEORGE WASH (AWAY) (MACHINE)**

Did you call him ‘a macaroni with no head that smells like donut and pho soup mixed together with it, giving it a taste of cheap labour freedom’ again?

**A.HAM**

Yes sir.

How did you know?

**GEORGE WASH (AWAY) (MACHINE)**

It's the third time.

Alexander? 

**A.HAM**

Yes sir? 

**GEORGE WASH (AWAY) (MACHINE)**

Go home and please give me a favor by throwing your phone in the trash. 

**A.HAM**

Of course sir, that's where I live. 

 

 

 

 

 

  
**A.HAM**

Burr.

**BURR**

Yes, Alexander?

**A.HAM**

Would you like to eat bacon favored underwear or underwear favored bacon?

**BURR**

Bye.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hamilton really carved an unicorn on his powder horn I am disappointed that the fandom never mention it LET HAM HAVE HIS UNICORN 
> 
> Thank yOU FOR READING!!!


End file.
